Brian D. Mains

So it goes . . .

Recent Posts

  • Dancing with Bees

    Dancing with Bees

    Rooted Yoga studio

    My head is inhabited by a swarm of unruly, aimless, chaotic and often angry bees.

    Individual members of the hive buzz this way and that, often leading me to lock my jaw and grind my teeth on any given day.

    The intensity of the swarm only amplifies if I try to catch or kill an individual bee or cluster. Plus, they are always too crafty and fleeting for me to cage.

    I once paid a doctor to study the swarm that is my mind. He concluded I have an acute ADHD brain.

    Or more accurately, he stated

    How have you functioned for this long as an adult?

    (I paid nearly $1,000 for this diagnosis)

    After warring with the swarm my entire life, I found comfort in learning I wasn’t crazy. Well, at least not completely mad.

    It was maddening, losing so many battles, and watching loved ones lose their patience with me, because of the swarm.

    I’ll never be free of the swarm, but I’ve since learned different ways to better live with the constant buzzing in my head.

    One of my favorites is yoga

    BTW, that’s me in an actual yoga class. And yes, I appear very awkward while practicing.

    Burning legs in Downward Dog. Finding balance in Crow. Standing strong and tall in Tree. Having a gentle, guiding voice reminding me to focus on my breathe, stay in the moment and to stop judging myself.

    Yoga is the antithesis of ADHD. While the practice never fully silences the swarm, it does cause it to calm for a moment.

    Or, more likely, my imperfect practice reduces the anxiety that I create by trying to control my unruly mind. Yoga provides just enough space for me to see the beauty and patterns in the chaotic dance that is the ceaseless swarm of my thoughts.

    Do you have an angry swarm of bees in your head? What do you do to find that calm center in your life?

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  • Ohio River at Sunrise

    Ohio River at Sunrise

    In March 2013, I took a series of pictures during an early morning run along the Ohio River.

    Timing my run across the Clay Wade Bailey Bridge as the sun began to rise to the east was completely incidental.

    The scene of sunlight piercing dense fog as it rose like ghosts from the river into the crisp morning air stopped me midway across the span. With no one else around, I reached for my iPhone to capture the moment.

    I heard the barge behind me as it chugged against the river’s current. I waited for it to pass under the bridge.

    I watched the barge cut like a knife through the fog, making its way east toward the John A. Roebling Bridge.

    I then filled my lungs with cool air, exhaled and continued my morning run at peace with myself in the world.

  • A Day at the Beach

    A Day at the Beach

    This photograph has a story that begs to be told.

    It is part of a collection of old family photos that I inherited a few years ago.

    There’s nothing to indicate when or where this picture was taken.

    I don’t recognize the couple. They don’t appear in any of the other faded images in the collection.

    They look so in love though, spending a perfect day lounging at some lakefront beach.

    I wonder what happened to them after someone captured this perfect moment on film.

    Did their love endure? Marry? Have children? Shoulder heartbreak and tragedy together?

    Did they ever think back to the day this photo was taken with fondness?

    I like to imagine they re-visited the beach years later – wrinkled and frail – remembering their younger selves frolicing and laughing on its sandy shore.

    I’d like to think they reflected on how their love grew richer and deeper every summer after this photograph was taken.