Brian D. Mains

So it goes . . .

Recent Posts

  • It’s the little things

    It’s the little things

    I wasn’t diagnosed with acute ADHD until I was 38 years old. What can I say? I’m a late bloomer.

    That also means I spent most of my life frustrated with myself and belittled by others for not being able to focus or just . . .

    I was only diagnosed after entering a new work environment that was loud and chaotic, which spiked my inability to stay focused for long periods of time.

    I found myself with two choices at the time: Either figure out what was going on or lose my job.

    Initially, I thought I might be dyslexic.

    After taking a battery of tests, the psychologist who administered them looked at me and said, “Holy shit! I’ve worked with children and adults for 18 years and have never seen someone with as an acute a case of ADHD as you. How have you functioned this long?”

    I’m pretty sure the comment was a mixture of truth and an attempt to disarm me with humor. Anyway, the diagnosis led to coping strategies and some medicine.

    It helped. I never told my boss about the diagnosis. He just assumed I miraculously got my shit together.

    Through the diagnosis I also learned I have a superpower. It’s called hyperfocus.

    Here is what hyperfocus is, as explained in the ADD-centric publication “ADDitude”:

    “Hyperfocus, a common — but confusing — symptom of ADHD, is the ability to zero in intensely on an interesting project or activity for hours at a time. It is the opposite of distractibility, and it is common among both children and adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.”

    The best part about hyperfocus is my ability to spend hours fixated on a work task that I find completely engaging. The worst part about hyperfocus is my ability to spend hours fixated on a work task that I find completely engaging.

    The truly funny part about sharing my ADHD diagnosis, work woes and hyperfocus superpower wasn’t even why I began writing this blog post.

    I started out wanting to share the graphic below I created for work before Kings Island Amusement Park in Mason, Ohio announced its new 300-foot-tall giga-coaster, Orion on Thursday, Aug. 15, 2019. (The coaster opens next spring.)

    Graphic by Brian Mains for WCPO

    As I started to write this post though, I realized I probably spent way too much time creating the graphic, which reminded me of my ADHD and the pitfalls of hyperfocus.

    And that’s what led me here – the end of this post, where I share another aspect of my ADHD – I ALWAYS underestimate how long it will take me to do something because I ALWAYS forget that I ALWAYS find myself meandering down a few side streets and tangents along the way.

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  • May 20, 2019: Gratitude in Action

    May 20, 2019: Gratitude in Action

    1. Using my ADHD superpower of hyperfocus for good – namely obsessing over a creative problem until I came up with a creative solution for a work project 💪🏻
    2. Texting stay-in dinner prepping and plans with my fiancée 🍽
    3. Remembering that I’m at my best when focused more on process instead of end product (be that a personal goal, work project or target marathon)
    4. Informal group runs begin Tuesday evening 🏃🏼
    5. A running friend group-texting pictures of his newborn grandson and his other months-old grandson 👼🏼
    6. Receiving multiple updates from my mother and sister about my almost-three-year-old niece using the potty. I loved the pride they exuded about as much as my niece’s developmental milestone 😍
    7. The number of old friends who I have not spoken with in a long time whom have contacted me lately
    8. Daydreaming about summer activities
    9. The return of spring temps, if only for a couple of days
    10. Coming home late after a long day of work and still finding the desire to write this list
  • Dancing with Bees

    Dancing with Bees

    Rooted Yoga studio

    My head is inhabited by a swarm of unruly, aimless, chaotic and often angry bees.

    Individual members of the hive buzz this way and that, often leading me to lock my jaw and grind my teeth on any given day.

    The intensity of the swarm only amplifies if I try to catch or kill an individual bee or cluster. Plus, they are always too crafty and fleeting for me to cage.

    I once paid a doctor to study the swarm that is my mind. He concluded I have an acute ADHD brain.

    Or more accurately, he stated

    How have you functioned for this long as an adult?

    (I paid nearly $1,000 for this diagnosis)

    After warring with the swarm my entire life, I found comfort in learning I wasn’t crazy. Well, at least not completely mad.

    It was maddening, losing so many battles, and watching loved ones lose their patience with me, because of the swarm.

    I’ll never be free of the swarm, but I’ve since learned different ways to better live with the constant buzzing in my head.

    One of my favorites is yoga

    BTW, that’s me in an actual yoga class. And yes, I appear very awkward while practicing.

    Burning legs in Downward Dog. Finding balance in Crow. Standing strong and tall in Tree. Having a gentle, guiding voice reminding me to focus on my breathe, stay in the moment and to stop judging myself.

    Yoga is the antithesis of ADHD. While the practice never fully silences the swarm, it does cause it to calm for a moment.

    Or, more likely, my imperfect practice reduces the anxiety that I create by trying to control my unruly mind. Yoga provides just enough space for me to see the beauty and patterns in the chaotic dance that is the ceaseless swarm of my thoughts.

    Do you have an angry swarm of bees in your head? What do you do to find that calm center in your life?

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