You Do You

This blog landed somewhere near the very bottom of my to-do list. I used to love regularly sharing my feelings, photography and running adventures here.

I no longer do “real” photography with my Canon digital camera after defaulting to Instagram with its filters and instant gratification of likes and followers.

I still run, but find writing about running after 11 marathons tedious. I also went through a period where I lost heart. Training became a choir instead of a pleasure or release. My average pace plummeted. I also gained weight, which played a part in other issues I repeatedly wrestle with.

I get depressed. My depression is persistent and cyclical. This winter particularly made it worse. In my depths, I was too ashamed to talk about it with anyone. Acute ADHD and a mild form of dyslexia only added frustration. I turned to food for comfort. THEN I decided to not write about my latest bought of the blues after realizing some people in my work life actually read this blog. A not so subtle comment over happy hour drinks left me uneasy.

I suddenly felt self-aware and dumb for writing about these persistent feelings of anxiety and depression. Do I appear weak? Annoying?  But, again, marathon training and overeating were not enough. I could not run far enough to burn off the calories or bad emotions. My doctor forced confronted me about my weight gain and elevated blood pressure during a routine checkup. I needed to do something.

I realized I missed this type of writing. I appreciate the free form and ability to just work through streams of thought.

I was inspired by actor Don Cheadle to just be myself and write after hearing him during a question and answer session in Cincinnati about the film he stars in and directed, “Miles Ahead.” The movie is about the five-year silent period of jazz musician Miles Davis in the 1970s. Cheadle repeated one of Davis’ favorite refrains when talking about why he decided to present Davis’ life in a non-linear, non-biopic form. “You do you.” That was Davis’ mantra, Cheadle said. The actor-director took that mantra to heart and did a film about the music legend the way he thought it should be done.

So, here I am, again. I’ve decided to do me.

I updated the name of the blog. I would love to promise consistency in posts, but I kind of like this space of free form self expression to share what I wish when I wish.

I have also begun playing with snippets of video and recharged the camera battery with plans to take more pictures. And after signing up for Vine three years ago, I started actually using it. I find four of the recent Vines I created to be hypnotizing. They are all work related. Check them out at the end of this entry.

This post went nowhere I intended it to. Of course, I’m not sure what that original intent was. If you just stumbled across this post, hello.


One thought on “You Do You

  1. Hello, and welcome back to the world of blogging 🙂
    I’m fairly new to this, being around only two weeks. I admit, its hard at times and I often run(hehe) out of words to write; I think I would miss it if I stopped now.

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