I am disappointed in my self. It is a beautiful Saturday morning — sunny and 65 degrees outside at 8:20 a.m.
My running group is making its way through the streets of downtown Cincinnati. I am on my couch.
Friday afternoon I received a text from a former co-worker inviting me out for a couple of happy hour drinks. I said okay, but I could not stay long. I had to get up early for my marathon training run.
Well, I hadn’t ate supper yet and Cincinnati makes some pretty nice summer craft beers. Before I knew it, a couple turned into a few, I laughed a lot and then I was starving. I found myself eating pulled pork barbecue sandwiches with a side of mac-and-cheese at 10 p.m.
I managed to make it home by 11:30. I set my alarm for 6. The group meets at 7:30. I could not force myself out of bed. I know what nursing a hangover while running feels like. No bueno. So, I turned the alarm off as it blared in the darkened corner of my bedroom.
I got up at 7:45. I don’t really feel that bad. Well, except for the nagging disappointment in myself that I did not get up and run. Skipping this group run only contributes to a recent malaise I’ve had towards running.
This fall training season will mark my 10th marathon if I complete it. I’m struggling to keep up pace on even short runs. I’m not finding much enthusiasm while doing it. I also was hit with a mysterious illness where I had a sore throat and was just generally tired during the past week. It made running nearly impossible.
I’m also pretty sure I’ve been struggling with a real bout of depression. Not finding the willingness to run, something I really used to love doing, is only adding on to that. And I think about going out last night. Dumb. I rarely drink and know better than to do it the night before a long run.
I’ll probably sweat out a few mile later today. I don’t know if I’ll manage all 14. I’m looking at run maps and trying to find something new.
Anyway, how do you deal with burn out and self-disappointment.