In mid-December I began a ‘year-in-running’ type review for 2013. I wrote a few paragraphs and stopped. The whole thing felt uninspired, so I thought I would let it stew a bit and then come back to it before January 1.
On New Year’s Eve I opened up the Word document again, but couldn’t find the heart to plow through some missive looking back. And transitioning to 2014 run goals? Meh.
So, I let it pass, and with it any real post on this blog that is supposed to be about my adventures in running.
I hadn’t stopped logging miles since the Indianapolis Monumental Marathon. As a matter of fact, between November and today (Jan. 9) I averaged about 20 miles a week. Most of them were treadmill miles, with one race on Thanksgiving Day.
And I had plenty to ‘review.’ In 2013 I ran three marathons, traveled to two cities, and set two new personal bests. Not too shabby for my third year of distance running. But writing in-depth about it just felt, I don’t know, pedestrian? Mundane, maybe?
Running lost some of its sheen. I am a runner. Just like I am a brother, son, friend, and uncle. Just like I am also a web editor. I seldom write long, reflective posts about those things, yet I still am them, and I still do my job.
And, I might add, this isn’t a bad thing either. When something healthy becomes habit, it is to be celebrated. And I do.
Of course, I am also a writer, or like to believe I am. So, not writing something here, in the little space I made for myself to share what’s up with me with a few of you, has started to bother me nine days into the new year and over a month since my last entry.
As I write, I’m not quite sure what I am writing about. I’m doing it because, like running when I don’t feel much like doing it, I still feel compelled. And then I start getting twitchy and my subconscious starts whispering to me.
For self-expression in general, when I’m not doing it, the sideways outcome of that usually takes the forms of dreams. And I mean, weird dreams.
Last night, for example, I dreamed I was in this idealized version of the city I live in that looked nothing like the real thing, visited my grandparents in their house that was huge, and obviously wasn’t their actual house. This isn’t even to mention that both my grandparents have been dead for a very long time. The dream ended when I felt the situation was too ideal, that it finally dawned on me that my grandparents were dead, and then with the shocking realization that, in my dream, I was dead too. In my dream, I deduced, I was in the afterlife. The revelation was so shocking that it startled me awake, for real.
Of course, this has nothing to do with running, reviews or resolutions. It may also have something to do with the fact I watched three seasons of Falling Skies, two seasons of White Chapel, three seasons of Wallander, and started season one of Fringe over the past month. Listing that, I’m actually sort of ashamed of myself at how much television I watched recently.
Also, in relation to the whole mortality angle of the dream, I’m turning 38 this year and that’s started to dwell on me a bit. Is it too early to start my mid-life crisis?
But anyway, the whole thing, TV viewing and dreams and all, convinced me I need to post something again, to share. Circling back to the habit thing for a minute, I need to get back into the habit of writing again.
And if for no other reason than to say I have a goal for 2014, that’s it. I need to form new habits, placing writing at the top, next to the more practical goal I already began of debt reduction and saving up for a new car.
I’ll keep writing about running too, but I hope to expand on topics here as well. I’ve wanted to explore some fiction, so that might start popping up. Or I might just meander as I am right now.
Because really, the main point of this first post of 2014 isn’t to have a point, it’s to do like I do when I don’t want to run – just get started, and before you know it, hopefully, I’m back to doing it on an everyday basis without really thinking about it (or being prompted by crazy dreams) again.
Follow me on Twitter at @BrianDMains