The two biggest things to occupy my brain-space this week are fretting and whining. I avoided writing my Friday post until the very last-minute because of it. Ultimately, I don’t want to come off sounding like an uber-douche by bitching about my week run-wise, but it is all I have.
On Tuesday, in the very cold weather I was so proud of myself for getting out in, I participated in hill repeats with the group. We took a familiar path down a relatively flat stretch of road to the foot of a relatively steep incline. The deal for the evening was we would run the .25 miles up hill, then back down, and up again 6 to 10 times.
I was okay on the flat run out, but almost immediately fell behind those I usually kept pace with, or lead, on the uphill slope. With a mighty effort I plowed ahead of the group on the third or fourth set. After the group settled on a total of eight repeats I was gassed. I clung onto mid-pack and trailed off on the flat two-mile run on the way back. I was so ready to be back at the running store where we started, and was a bit humiliated being the last one in. I made what I now feel were silly and awkward comments to my running friends, two of whom I started running with, but I could not keep up with.
Then Wednesday night happened. Again, I ran with one of my friends, a friend who ran the same hill repeats the night before. He had a spring in his step. Bridge inclines did not slow him down. I could not keep up. The run discouraged me to no end. My running mate was positive. I was a bit jealous and vowed to keep up next time. I ultimately felt like an asshole for making the run about me instead of his hard work.
Like a lot of distance runners, I think I am a bit nuts.
Unlike many, I don’t like to think I am competitive (You only compete against yourself!), but when in situations where I am not as good as my peers I realize I am. And when that leads me to being insecure, I am just plain weird to be around.
So, what did I do after Wednesday? I got up Thursday, the day I planned off to rest up for my long run on Friday, and I went to the gym where I rode hard on a stationary bike for 45 minutes. I then did some lunges with two ten pound weights, followed by a series of stretches. I also looked at the spin classes offered at the gym and tried to decide the class I could work into my schedule. This is all to cross-train and get faster.
I also looked at the scale when I came home. I lost 2 pounds since I started my new food regiment. That made me a little happier. So, I went to the grocery and bought more veggies and healthy foods.
I don’t know if this is bad behavior disguised as something good or not, but I am determined to not be left behind come race day. And I just hope I don’t act too much like an asshat around those I know while trying to grind it out either.